Dilemma

Dear Internet,

   Awfully talkative today, I know.  This is my third entry... but I just really need to talk to somebody, somebody that won't judge me or talk back, somebody I don't know, somebody I can't hurt.
   See, my dilemma is that I'm in choir.  I sing in my church choir, and yet, as you saw two entries ago, I'm seriously doubting everything about my religion.  I feel out of place... and yet in place... when I'm there.  Singing is what I want to do, what I was meant to do.  But I don't believe the words I'm singing.  I don't buy into it; I think it's archaic and strange.  I feel dishonest, singing things I don't believe, and even some things I don't even like.
   I especially hate Handel.
   I've been waiting for a year for my choir director to realize I'm the strongest descant they've got, and now that the director has finally realized and admitted it, he told me I could pick out a soprano piece from Handel and learn it.  Handel is hard enough to learn as it is, and I've been dying to showcase my voice, but I hate the way he phrases things.  The notes come too quickly.  I want to sing something melodic, something beautiful-- not something staccato and energetic.  And I don't believe a single word in Handel's book.
   But they need me... so I'll stay... for now.