Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter Rant

Dear Internet,

   I hate this time of year.  It's even worse than Christmas.  Every Christian out there is joyfully strutting about proclaiming how wonderful their God is and how he loved us so much he sent his only son to die for our sins.  FUCK dying for my sins; I hadn't even been born yet!  What, did the old bugger just assume that I was going to be a horrible, sinful person?
   Oh right, right, he's omniscient. How ignorant of me.
   And what's all this about God being three persons and one person at the same time and sending for each other even though he doesn't have to because he already knows everything that is ever going to happen?!  I mean, what was the point of Jesus sitting there in the garden praying all bloody night TO HIMSELF?!  He knew he was going to die; that was the whole reason he was sent here!!  Saving himself would've ruined the whole bloody thing!
   While we're on the subject of Jesus, why didn't he perform REAL miracles?!  What's with all this rubbing spit on a blind person's eyes and feeding a multitude with fish and bread? No.  No, if I was God, and I wanted people to believe in me, I'd re-order the fucking WEATHER.  "Say, you!  Yes you, the chap with the camel! You want it to rain, don't you?" 'How did you know?!' "I'm God." *makes it rain* 'Praise be the Lord!'
   Or how about this?  "Oh, yes, and here's the cure to cancer.  I know you've been wanting that.  No, no, you've got it all wrong- diseases aren't caused by evil spirits.  They're caused by GERMS.  Nasty little fellows, they are.  Dunno why I created them.  Ah well, here's how you cure it.  See?  It's simple!  Oh, and here are the secrets to electricity and indoor plumbing.  G'day!"
   But no.  He didn't do anything like that.
   Do you know why...?
   Oh, but they were divinely inspired to write that contradictory, violent, sadistic, confusing rubbish pile of filth and mind-numbing pestilence.  How on Earth could I forget?  I mean, only a bloodthirsty tyrant like Yahweh could have inspired such a veritable dung heap!

   I've gotten off subject.
   Right, back to Easter- tell me, if you don't think that Yahweh is based off of a war-god to a relatively small group of people living in the Middle East, then why is it that the only way to appease himself is to split himself into three and kill himself?  What's so appeasing about human sacrifice?  Doesn't that seem... oh, I don't know... a little barbaric, perhaps?
   But do you know what?  There's just no reasoning with religious people on these points.  So if you're religious, I don't want to hear anything about how I'm going to Hell and how Jesus died for my sins and I should just prostrate myself to your imaginary friend and beg for forgiveness for having a brain and actually using it (for something other than memorizing Bible verses), because I've heard it all already.  I'm an ex-Catholic.  I know every argument you're going to throw at me.  So fuck off.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Free from Nothing

Dear Internet,

   Growing up as a Roman Catholic, I was taught that there were invisible demons all around me.  They would whisper evil things in my ear, watch me from corners, and crawl into my head to give me nightmares.  Whenever I had a 'bad' thought, it was a demon causing it- not my own free will.  Although scary movies could influence nightmares, they were still caused by demons.  If I said "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you demons to go back to Hell and leave me alone!" the demons would go away.
   Or at least, that's what I was taught.
   I did buy into it to some extent, though, because I've always had a very active imagination.  I even used the 'go away in Christ's name' bit a few times, and it did make me feel better.  (Of course, I don't anymore.  Now, I fancy I'm punching whatever I dreamed about which caused me fear.  If I beat up the imaginary motherfucker, it goes away quite nicely, and I feel a lot more powerful and in control because I'm the one that defeated it.)
   I did believe, to some extent, that bad thoughts could be caused by demons, until I got to be... oh, eight or nine or so.  It never seemed literally true to me- more like a metaphor, like in cartoons, where there's an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  They symbolized a conflict happening in one's head.  But for me, there was never an angel on my other shoulder.  It was always a naughty thought verses its possible ramifications, being weighed inside my head to see whether or not it was worth it to indulge in my mischief.  I knew it was all me, all my thoughts, and that there were no demons actually whispering in my ear.  I knew that, even when I believed.
   I also believed that God could hear me.  Whether or not he could hear my thoughts was never clear.  I taunted him, teased him, dissed him, ridiculed him, and dared him to show himself or punish me when I was thinking naughty things.  But, see, the thing is, he never did.  I knew that in the bible, it said that I should not be having many of the thoughts I had; that they were evil and harmful and that I was committing dozens of mental sins every day.  The thing is, though, I never felt guilty for thinking these things.  Not once.  I knew I should, and occasionally that bothered me, but when it came down to it, they were my bloody thoughts, and no one could have any way about what went on inside my head.  Not even God, who didn't seem to mind me thinking about those naughty, sinful things anyway.  Since he never punished me, I figured he understood.  After all, he'd supposedly made me in the first place.
   The biggest thing that bothers me, though, is this: I've always been afraid of the dark.  It's a common enough fear; nothing to be ashamed of.  But, see, I used to believe that there were demons all over the place when it was dark.  I'd conjure up all these horrifying images of bears and hounds and mutant animals with sharp fangs, red eyes, and black hair or fur- always black- and sharp claws, waiting there in the darkness, crouching and ready to spring, to run after me at any moment and devour me.  Every time I had to walk through my house at night, my heart would be pounding double-time every time I had to rush past a darkened room, for fear that its inhabiting demons would chase me and maul my body.
   Once I became an atheist, I suddenly stopped being afraid.  "That's a chair," I'd think.  And it was- a harmless chair.  "And that's a sofa.  There is nothing in this room- just furniture, and possibly one of the cats." And it's true- that's all that's in those rooms at night.  I am free from fear of the things that were never there.
   How horrible is it to have a child entertaining such horrible fears?  How horrible is it to teach children that there are evil, invisible things everywhere which are all eager and waiting to do harm to them?
   It is detestable.
   This is just one of many reasons why I am glad to be an atheist.  My children will never have such fears.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

God is an Abusive Spouse

Dear Internet,

   It is my hypothesis that one reason people find it so difficult to break away from religion, especially the Abrahamic religions, is that they have an abused-spouse mentality.
   Women who are abused by their spouses often will not leave their husbands because they still "love" their husbands, and they believe that their husbands love them.  Their husbands usually go through cycles of being verbally and even physically abusive, making the wife feel helpless, worthless, and beaten, and cycles of being extremely nice and generous and 'loving'.
   In the bible, there is a repeated theme that we humans need God.  It tells us over and over how much better God is, how much stronger and smarter and nicer, and calls us sheep.  Sheep are notoriously stupid animals who do indeed need a shepherd; it says in the bible that we are the flock of Jesus and that he is our good shepherd.  God tells us how sinful and unworthy we are.  He requires us to repent for the thousands of sins we commit every day.  He keeps his followers in a constant state of feeling helpless, worthless, and beaten.
   And yet he is a good God.  He loves everybody.  We are his chosen people, the light of the world and whatnot.  This is the part of the cycle where the loving husband showers us with gifts and compliments to make up for his constant threats of hellfire and damnation.
   What makes it all worse is that these people are being abused by a spouse that doesn't exist.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Trading Faith for Reason

Dear Internet,

   I cannot believe that I used to believe Genesis.  I honestly used to think that the creation story of Adam and Eve was true... but then when I was a teenager, I started questioning it.  It didn't sit right with me to believe that the human race had been a product of repeated incest, as the bible implied.  It was explained to me that there were other "first men and women" created all around the world, and that was the reason why every culture had its own creation story.  I was told that all the creation stories were very similar, and asked how that could be unless God did it.
   As a child, though, I loved dinosaurs.  I read book after book for them.  My appetite for scientific knowledge was insatiable.  Looking back, I think it was my love for dinosaurs that led me towards Darwinism.  I didn't realize it consciously as a child, but I had already accepted that dinosaurs evolved from one period to the next.  I had already accepted that animals had evolved.
   Why not, then, apply this to humans?
   Well, like many other fundamentalist Christians, I found the idea that we had come from monkeys appalling.  I asked the usual stupid questions, such as "why are there still monkeys?" and "where all all the transitional fossils?" without really looking into the problem.  This is a tactic many Christians use: they pose a question and then say "exactly" and stop there, as if the question, instead of threatening their belief system, merely serves as more proof that they are right.
   Unlike other Christians, I decided to investigate.
   This is a part of my personality: whenever I am faced with a problem, I will not stop until I know everything there is to know about it.  I question, I ponder, and I obsess.  This has both been a good thing and a bad thing for me throughout life.
   But I digress.
   What is important is that this investigation eventually led me to accepting that Darwinism is true.  Because it is.  Evolution happened.  It is a scientific fact.  And now, more than ever, I am amazed and fascinated by the world around me.  I do not feel as if I have lost anything-- my mind has been opened to the wonders of the universe, and I am turning to science to answer my questions.  Never has the world seemed more beautiful, and never have I felt more alive.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I'm Surrounded By Idiots

Dear Internet,

   This is a rant.
   Most humans make me want to bang my head against a wall.  Especially religious humans, egotistical humans, and humans from cities.  When I meet egotistical religious humans from cities, my head just about explodes.
   Also, what is with the decay of the English language?!
   Okay.  In order, backwards:
English:  I blame a lot of the decay of English on pop culture.  The lyrics to songs nowadays are barely even lyrics.  It's basically slang, swearing, alcohol, and sex.  Pop music makes me sick and sad.  Why people actually listen to that shit is beyond me.  It's barely even music.  Also, less thought is being put into novels, and less and less people are actually READING anymore!  Just look at Twilight!  That was pretty much just a thought stream put down on paper (and not even a very GOOD thought stream, at that).  The things people are reading most nowadays, especially the younger ones (our future), are text messages and anything on the internet.  If anyone is trying to learn English, those are two of the WORST places to learn it.
   I guess that's part of the reason I'm drawn so much to British entertainment lately, because over there in England, they actually use the English language!  It's amazing!  Seriously, though, have you ever sat there and compared American insults with British insults?  There is no comparison, really.  British insults are much more creative and interesting, and often, much more insulting because they can be so specific and aren't so overused.  British novels, I've found, are also better-written than American novels, and a lot of my favorite authors either live in the UK or went there for inspiration.  And then, of course, there's the genius of British comedy abundant on British television.  Just look at Monty Python.  That stuff is GOLD!
  It's probably also the reason that I tend to lean towards older music.  At least 80% of the music I listen to was written before 1990.  The 60s, 70s, and 80s are, in my mind, the golden age of music.  After that, music went to pot.  (Pop music started going to pot in the 80s, and even some crappiness was detectable in the 70s, but it wasn't that bad, for the most part.  Then, the 90s hit... Oh 90s... *facepalm* why???)
People from cities:  I do not like cities.  They're too crowded.  I like to have my personal space, yes, but I also hate dealing with large quantities of people.  I hate being in crowds.  This is for two reasons: one, I have a thing about getting lost; two, I've found that most people tend to be of a much lower intelligence level than myself.  More people = more idiots.  There is nothing quite so frustrating as a giant group of idiots.
  People from cities also have this fascinating habit of talking in slang and always being in a hurry.  I realize that not all people who live in cities are like this, but a big enough majority is, and I'd like to avoid that majority.  They annoy the FUCK out of me.
Egotistical people:  Anyone with a huge ego annoys the fuck out of me, as well.  The more egotistical, egocentric, narcissistic, and self-important someone is, the more they annoy me.  There is just no talking to these people.  They only care about themselves, and they take it for granted that you will care about them as well, and they expect everyone to treat them as if they are above the rest of the population.  It makes me want to punch some sense into them- or maybe knock it into them with a sledgehammer or a baseball bat.  Or, hell, just kill the mirror-worshippers!  Do the world some good.
Religious people:  Oh, God, religious people!  (See what I did there?)
If one more person says the word "prayer" to me today, I'm going to punch them in the face!
I'm not one for hate or violence, but these people just drive me up a wall.  They think they're being smart when they invoke circular reasoning and quote their precious holy books.  In the worst cases, it is literally impossible to prove to them that they are wrong.  It is sickeningly easy to prove them wrong on a multitude of points, but trying to prove to THEM that they are wrong is like trying to push a rhinoceros up a hill with a toothpick.  They absolutely refuse to listen to any views opposing their own.

   It's not that I'm antisocial, or even that I'm shy.  I greatly enjoy the company of my friends and others who are entertaining and intelligent.  But you can see why I tend to avoid people in general.  It's because they're all pus-brained twats!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Too Big A Heart

Dear Internet,

   It pains me to see how many good people believe in Christianity.  There are so many kind-hearted, friendly, loving, well-meaning people who honestly believe that the Christian religion is true, and it breaks my heart knowing that they all believe in a lie.  Not just a lie-- a pack of lies, a book of lies, centuries of lies, the biggest lies ever told!  That they devote so much time and effort and energy to something that's not there... that they want so much to help other people but they think that prayer will help, and so they pray instead of doing something genuinely helpful...
   And I'd gladly be the one to shatter their illusions, but I know that it would break all their hearts.  It would confuse them, hurt them, send them into a spiral of sadness and distrust.  In the end, many of them would hate me and erase what I had said from their memories, even though I would have spoken the truth.  Were it possible to tell them all, to wake them all up and prove that there is no god, without them attacking me and collapsing into depression, just imagine what the world could be like!
   Hell (which doesn't exist), if I could tell every religious person in the world that there is no god, that their religion is a lie, and if they would all listen to me and accept what I had to say, imagine what would happen!  Countries would unite!  People would no longer have to set aside many important moral differences because those moral differences would cease to exist without the dictation of religions telling them what is right and what is wrong!  Everywhere, man would reach out to aid his fellow man!  Money would be donated to help the less fortunate.  Wars would be less frequent.  Accounts of history would begin to agree with each other more and more.
   But although a time may come when religion is once and for all finally eradicated from the minds of humans, it is not going to happen for at least years, more probably decades, or even centuries.  People want so much to believe that they are right; that is why similar religions have not merged and never will, such as Judaism and Islam.  People want so much to believe that there is an afterlife, that they have a soul and a father in the sky who is looking out for them constantly, who loves them and has their best interests in mind.  People want to believe that they have something to fall back on when they make a bad decision.  People do not want to let go of their religions.
   And so, although I could tell them all that there is no god, I cannot; they would not listen.  And those that would listen would be heartbroken.
   Sometimes I wish I was colder, that I could look into the faces of those sweet, well-meaning, friendly people I see every Sunday and tell them point-blank that they're wasting their time; that they should do what they can while they're still alive because there is no afterlife; there is no god-- but I can't.  I'm just not hard-hearted enough to do that.
   Wishing and praying are pointless things; I know.  And so writing and publishing this will accomplish virtually nothing.  I know this... but maybe there's someone out there who will read this and get something out of it.  Maybe I'll have helped somebody, reached out to somebody.
   If not, at least I've helped myself by letting out these feelings.  It does no good to keep them locked inside.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Hold the phone-

Dear Internet,

   So, wait a minute.  In the story of the tower of babble, all the humans on the earth spoke the same language and were working together to accomplish something great.  God saw that and decided to scramble everyone's brains so that they all spoke different languages.  So... God is against the unification of the human race?  God doesn't want us to come together, put aside our differences, and accomplish great things?
   Creationists, Christians, Catholics... do you guys READ your fucking Bibles?!